Poking Fun At Personal Ads :: essays research papers

To the SWF with a PhD:Basically, I’m a nervous person. I’ll tell you now that I’ve never had a date, but I just know that we were meant to be. The things you look for, â€Å"slim build, knowledge of the Wicca religion, and the ability to differentiate between Van Gogh and Picasso† describe me to a tee. I can’t wait until our wedding day, which should be soon because I’m nearly over two hills. Did I mention that I’m a nervous person?Concerning the line of your ad stating â€Å"Slim build is a great impression of a man’s true character,† well, I may not actually fit that request. I agree that a slim build is attractive; however, I know of many fat people that have great personalities. I’m not saying that I’m fat, rather stocky or big-boned. The problem is that I don’t hide my weight well. Actually, the truth is I look like a wildebeest covered in plaid and khaki. I have more fur on my back than all eleven of your precious Persians. To top things off, I have an inexplicable odor that creeps out no matter how much cologne I bath in.What I lack in the looks department, I certainly make up for by my knowledge of witchcraft. I’ve realized something about you smart chicks; you always have some fanatical beliefs that are sure to be contested (women’s suffrage, for example). I’ve got this one though; I’ve seen every movie ever made concerning witchcraft: Hocus Pocus, The Craft, and best of all, The Wizard of Oz. I have also memorized portions of Bewitched for our first date. Can you really turn Samantha into a dog by wrinkling your nose? I’ve always wondered that. As my hero, the Wicked Witch of the West would say, â€Å"I’ll get you my pretty,† and your eleven Persians, too. I hope you also like a guy with a sense of humor.As for the differentiation between Picasso and Van Gogh, I’ll be completely forward with you: I have no clue who those people are. I ran upstairs and asked my mom who Picasso was and she told me that it’s the name of a cat I had when I was five. If Van Gogh is another cat’s name, Picasso was cross-eyed, bob-tailed, and could never find the litter box. I’ve done it. I’ve successfully filled your requirements in a man.I feel that we have connected on some level.